you are a mirror
The other day I had an epiphany of sorts. I was working with a client on some stuff around dating and relationships. And as we were talking, I could see that she was beginning to understand that everything she wants from a partner…all of the qualities that make up her ideal mate and in fact her ideal relationship…they begin in her, and actually need to be expressed through her. Until she mirrors it, what she wants can’t find her. It was a cool moment when she realized this. A light switch was flipped, and her whole being changed.
My epiphany, as a result of that experience, was simple: we can tell ourselves and other people what we want until we’re blue in the face. But that’s not enough…we have to live it. We have to go out and BE it in order for what we want to meet us.
Have you ever had the experience of wanting something…a partner, a job, an experience, or a situation…and despite your best efforts, despite knowing exactly what you want, you seem to get the opposite? Or you get nothing at all? Or you get something that isn’t quite what you want?
I’m guessing we’ve all been there. Maybe you’re there right now with regard to something in your life. It can feel so frustrating.
It’s very human (because we’re taught it) to want something and then shrink back and ‘hope it comes’. Sometimes we never even ask for it or allow ourselves to express that we want it…out loud, in writing, to another person, whatever. It stays a secret desire. Because we’re sitting around ‘hoping it comes’, it would take a mind reader or an act of God for it to actually happen! And when it doesn’t happen, or when what we get doesn’t match up with what we’re imagining, we take it to mean something negative about us: ‘I don’t deserve it’, or ‘I don’t get to have that’. Yup, that’s human too.
But here’s what my client helped me see. When you want something, it means you ARE a match for it. It means you’re the other part of the equation…you’re on the receiving end of that thing. And because you’re a match, you actually have to reflect its’ qualities in order for it to find you.
Mahatma Ghandi is famously misquoted as saying ‘be the change you wish to see in the world.’ (Great idea, by the way). What he actually said is not quite that, but even more profound. Here it is:
'We but mirror the world. All the tendencies present in the outer world are to be found in the world of our body. If we could change ourselves, the tendencies in the world would also change. As a man changes his own nature, so does the attitude of the world change towards him. This is the divine mystery supreme. A wonderful thing it is and the source of our happiness. We need not wait to see what others do.
Does that make sense? Waiting around to see what others do is a colossal waste of time! If you want something, be the mirror for that in your world. If you want a relationship that is intimate, open, and kind, be intimate, open and kind with yourself and with others. If you want a job that is exciting and rewarding, make sure you are doing stuff in your life that is exciting and rewarding. By ‘being’ it first, you are creating and reinforcing neural pathways in your brain. Because your brain loves pattern recognition and is highly efficient, it will look for other examples in your life of intimacy, openness, and kindness…for instance. So you will notice more and more of what you’re practicing.
And here’s the real kicker: when you’re out there, going first, being an example of that thing that you want in your world, the partner or the employer or anyone at all who is instrumental to what you want…they can actually FIND you. They can’t find you when you’re just wishing in your head, hoping it auto-magically comes to you. If you’re not wearing it on your face and reflecting it in your being, how would they ever be able to find you?
I realize this may sound pretty woo-woo. I like woo-woo but I like logic and facts too. I can assure you that current neuroscientific research backs this up:
when you reinforce neural pathways by being, thinking about, and imagining what you want, your brain recognizes and pulls in examples from your world that match that.
So, what are you waiting for? Got something you want to change? Mirror it, live it, express it, tell the people close to you about it…and see what happens.
Want to hear more about neuroscience and change? Tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself)! Or, set up a free connection call with me. As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡