finding your WHY
When you are working toward a goal, making a change, or creating something you want, there’s a crucial ingredient that’s easy to overlook: your WHY. In my experience as a coach AND a human, a strong WHY is absolutely essential…without it, you’re likely to get distracted, discouraged, and give up prematurely. It is vital to know your WHY and remember it as you work toward whatever cool thing you are envisioning.
It might seem pretty obvious, but when you want something, there’s usually at least one good reason why you want it. For example, I’m training for a trail ultramarathon in the fall. It’s going to be long and difficult and uncomfortable. Why the hell would I want to do this? (I’m sure I’ll ask myself this very question when the going gets rough). Actually, I have a lot of reasons why. I want to do it because I want to see what I’m capable of. I want to experience a big challenge and see it through. I want to learn how to stay focused and even positive when I’m experiencing the ‘dark night of the soul.’ I want to find the ‘sweet spot’ of effort that will allow me to move steadily for a long distance. I want to have the experience of moving through feeling bad into feeling good again. I want to cross the finish line and feel the exhilaration of doing something beyond what I’ve believed I could do. But mostly, I want to learn to be at peace with physical discomfort.
To some degree, I am OK with discomfort because I’ve been training for and racing ultras for about 10 years now. But this new goal represents a significant increase in the level of difficulty and discomfort from what I’ve tackled in the past. So my WHY for this race is to not be surprised by the discomfort, to solve problems as they happen, and keep moving forward.
That said, I realize there could be situations in which I wouldn’t be able to complete the race. If I have a serious injury (if there’s a bone poking out, for instance) or illness where continuing on would truly jeopardize my health, that would be an important reason to stop. If there were an extreme weather event or natural disaster that caused organizers to stop the race, I’d have to stop. I may be a little intense but I’m not without reason!
With big goals, there is usually a strong internal WHY driving us. What we don’t often do is keep our WHY close in our awareness. I think of my WHY as a metaphorical placard I’ll wear around my neck…every time I start to doubt myself, lose motivation, get uncomfortable or become whiny, I’ll look at that placard and remind myself why I’m doing this. It probably won’t ease the discomfort, but it can keep me from slipping out of my commitment. It can keep my negative thinking from spiraling out of control. It can keep me from finding lots of valid reasons to quit. My WHY gives me a reason to push forward. And reaching my goal will be all the sweeter for having honored my WHY.
Having a strong WHY works beautifully for endurance sports, but it’s just as effective for life changes and big goals. Suppose you’ve decided to start your own business. You want to work for yourself and put something out into the world that will make it a better place. Good for you! I work with a lot of people making career changes, and it’s exciting. Just keep in mind that creating your own gig will be a process.
In your initial burst of excitement, you may accomplish a lot. You lay out a solid business model and fine tune it with feedback from colleagues and experts in the field. You build a beautiful website and print cards and flyers. That can be fun and exhilarating. Here’s the thing, though: it will take some time for your new business to materialize. Even with a strong internal vision and impeccable planning, it will likely take a while for your business to gain traction. New business growth is rarely linear and upward moving. Most of the time, your progression will look like a roller coaster, or even a spiral. There will be plenty to learn. There will be some tweaking. You may have new ideas in a few months that you aren’t considering today. It’s a process.
Moving from point A (not having your business yet) to point B (having your dream business) will be a journey. There will be mountain top moments and dark nights of the soul. Sometimes you’ll feel completely energized and sometimes you’ll feel completely drained. One moment you think it’s hopeless and then suddenly things turn around. Or you think an idea is a sure win and later realize you need to pivot and try something else.
When the initial excitement of starting your business wears off, it may be discouraging when you’re not yet seeing signs of success. How will you stay creative, flexible and hopeful when things seem bleak? When things feel boring? When your inner critic tells you that it’ll never work?
This is where having a strong WHY comes in. Only you know why you want to create your business. Maybe it’s to help a population that’s underserved. Or maybe it’s for the satisfaction and pleasure of putting something truly new into the world. Maybe your WHY is to make a lot of money. There’s nothing wrong with that…but notice how connected you feel to your WHY. A truly heartfelt WHY will get you through a lot of discomfort. A WHY that hasn’t been investigated thoroughly may not stand up to the pressures of entrepreneurship.
What’s your WHY? Write them all down, then choose the one that feels the most important right now. Make an imaginary placard and hang it around your neck. You’re going to be looking at that WHY every day that you think about your goal. In the times that are exciting. In the times that are discouraging. That WHY will be with you, just a glance away. How committed can you be to your WHY?
When it comes to creating something new in your life, it’s not the inspired moments that are challenging. It’s when you don’t have any reason to believe it can work. It’s when you get bad news, or when something you’d hoped for doesn’t pan out. It’s when you have to pivot or tweak something. THese are the moments when having your WHY close will be so powerful. These are the moments to remember your WHY.
What’s your WHY? Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡