your inner critic

Do you have a voice in your head that criticizes you, puts you down, or tells why you can’t do what you want to do? Or maybe you experience an onslaught of negative thoughts, especially when you’re reaching for a goal or dreaming up something new in your life. Fun, right?

Meet your inner critic.

The term inner critic is popular in psychology circles, though opinions differ on exactly what it is. I think of the inner critic as that nagging voice that tells me - at regular intervals - that I’m not good enough. Your inner critic might tell you that you’re not successful enough, fit enough, wealthy enough, smart enough, etc. Your inner critic can be persistent and continuous, or it may appear just when you get up the courage to try something new.

Here’s the thing about the inner critic: it is NOT YOU.

As is the case with all of us, my inner critic has been around for a very long time. But it wasn’t until this year that I got curious about it. I paid attention to what it was saying, and I noticed its patterns and characteristics.

And I began to understand that it’s not my true voice, but a part of me that I can choose whether or not to listen to.

Want to meet my inner critic? I call him Professor Asshole. Prof. A. is quite the character. He’s middle-aged, wears small circular glasses and a tweed suit, and has dandruff. He’s very proper. Prof. A. only believes that I am worthy of doing something if I have a Ph.D. and 20 years of experience. Otherwise, I’m a hack. Prof. A.’s measure of success is respect, attention and acclaim from others. He loves when I’m recognized, noticed, and praised. Anything that requires taking significant risk is frowned upon. He wants me to look intelligent and accomplished, and discourages me from doing anything that people wouldn’t approve of. To Professor Asshole, not being noticed at all is a terrible outcome. Though he is really smart, Prof. A. doesn’t have a lot of joy.

Imagining my inner critic, Professor Asshole, is kind of fun. And here’s why it’s helpful: when I objectify this inner critical voice, put a character, face and name to it, I’m distancing it from myself.

If I can observe Professor Asshole, it’s clear that he is not me.

What voice IS mine? It’s the deep search for truth. It’s the passion for finding what feels right to me, and helping my clients do the same. It’s the strong desire to be myself and express what’s important to me in the world. Even as I write these words, I can feel it in my core…it’s a warm energy that wants to move outward.

So, what to do with Professor Asshole? Well, there’s some good news and some bad news. The bad news is, it’s not possible to get rid of him. Prof. A. is a deeply ingrained part of me and even if I’d like to wrap him up with duct tape, put him in a cannon and blast him to outer space, he’ll just show up again sooner or later. The good news is, by clearly seeing him and his tendencies and realizing that he is not me, I can remove him from the spotlight and choose not to listen to him.

In addition to removing Professor Asshole from the spotlight, I’ve actually made peace with him. If he’s part of me, there must be something he’s trying to accomplish. I’ve asked Prof. A. what positive intention he has in talking to me so negatively. Interestingly, he’s not trying to hurt my feelings as much as he’s hoping to protect me from all of the things he fears…ridicule, disrespect, and invisibility. In a sense, he’s trying to keep me safe through being visible, respected, highly regarded.

I can thank Prof. A. for the role he wants to play in my life, and I can place him over in the corner. He’s still there, and he’ll still talk to me, but I can decide how much attention I’m going to put on him (which is not very much).

Who is your inner critic? What’s the tone of its voice, and what thoughts does it send your way? Who does it look like? Is it someone from your childhood, like a teacher or family member? Is it a cartoon character? What kinds of things does it say, and what are its intentions for you? Can you see it’s not you?

And speaking of you, what is your real and true voice? What kind of thoughts feel like your thoughts? What do you know to be true about yourself? And how do you feel when you know that truth?

When you clearly distinguish your own inner critic, it loses its power over you.

The more you notice it, the better you’ll get at identifying it.

And the more you can let who you truly are shine through.

Want to give yourself the gift of change work this holiday season? Click here to schedule a free connection call with me and we’ll explore your dreams for 2024. And for more helpful strategies for dealing with Professor Asshole (mine and yours), tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡