write it all down

In a recent podcast, I made a case for why I believe everyone should have someone - a therapist, coach, or other practitioner - they can talk with regularly. I’d like to normalize working on our mental and emotional health the same way we normalize exercising and eating well to stay physically healthy.

But even if you are working with the greatest professional, there will be times where things fall apart. Maybe you’re having a conflict with a loved one, or a personal crisis, or you’re just feeling down. It happens to all of us. It might be a while until your next therapy or coaching session…and you can’t just call your coach or therapist every time you feel overloaded, right?

Right.

So today I want to give you a tool that I use when I feel out-of-sorts or when I have an issue that needs resolution. This tool is free, easy, and super effective. You can use it anywhere and anytime…even when you’re traveling. All you need is a little bit of time, a pen and some paper (or your laptop, if you prefer to type).

You’re going to write it all down.

I did this yesterday, and it worked wonders.

Let’s say you’re feeling low (like I was yesterday). Without needing to figure it out or talk yourself into feeling better, just let yourself be down for a minute, and write down every thought that you notice. Your list might look something like this:

I really wanted a text back from so-and-so and I didn’t get one.

I’m feeling rejected and unloved.

I worry that this may be a pattern for me…feeling rejected and sad.

I also haven’t finished that work project yet, and I’m feeling like a failure.

Am I even in the right job?

What if I get to the end of my life and realize I’ve spent my time doing all of the wrong things and none of the right things?

Also, I’m feeling a little squidgy…I need to lose 5 pounds.

Life is so hard.

That’s just an example, but you get it, right? Write down every single thought that you notice. Your only job is to take dictation of your thoughts. You’re not trying to negate them or talk yourself out of having them. You’re not trying to reframe them. You’re just writing down every thought you notice.

If writing down a thought (like ‘I really wanted a text back’) leads to other thoughts, then write those down too. If you find your thoughts jumping around from one subject to another, that’s totally fine! Just stay tuned into your thoughts and keep writing them down.

Do you notice fears or catastrophic thinking creeping in? Awesome! Write down your fears. Write down your imagined catastrophes. Even if you consider them over-the-top. If you notice it, write it down.

Do you have thoughts that sound unkind or judgmental towards other people or yourself? Way to go! Write them down. This exercise is not about sounding like a nice person or even a sane person. If you notice thoughts, just write them down.

You may be wondering, what does writing down my thoughts accomplish?

I’m glad you asked. Your brain cycles through negative thoughts so quickly that you aren’t consciously aware of all of them. But your unconscious mind registers them, and that leaves you feeling icky, ill-at-ease, depressed, and down. Exposing your thoughts to daylight and consciousness - getting them onto the page where you can see them - is like pulling items out of a dark, cluttered, musty closet. You air them out. You put them where you can see them.

As you write them down, you realize that they’re just thoughts. They don’t actually control you. You’re just aware of them. You are separate from them. Unexamined thoughts in the dark closet of your unconscious mind can feel scary and unpredictable. Pulling those thoughts out into the light disempowers them.

They’re just thoughts.

You know what a relief it is to tell somebody else your fears, or the stuff that gets you down? That feeling of relief comes from getting it off your chest.

This exercise is just like that, only you can do it by yourself…whenever you want, wherever you are. When you talk about your issues with your coach or therapist, THEY are a loving witness to your thoughts. When you write your issues and thoughts and fears down, YOU are the loving witness to all of that stuff inside of you.

A fear that’s unspoken feels threatening, unknown, and larger-than-life.

A fear that you’ve noticed and written down is just another thought.

Here’s the cool thing: once you’ve gotten that stuff out onto the page, you don’t have to do anything with it. I like to read over my thoughts and fears just after I’ve written them. But then I move on.

I don’t come back to them day after day. I don’t ‘work’ on them. I don’t try to change them. Writing down my thoughts simply deactivates them.

Will your fears go away forever? Probably not. But being aware of them disempowers them just a little, so that when they crop up again you see them more easily. You’re like, ‘oh yeah, I know that thought’ and it’s no big deal.

The biggest benefit of writing it all down is that over time, you begin to see that your thoughts are not YOU.

You are not your thoughts. Or your fears. They pass by and make way for something else. Writing them down helps them pass quicker. They don’t have to stay inside you. Get them out onto the page and see how they lose their emotional charge.

I love this exercise because I can do it anytime and anywhere. I don’t need to wait for my next therapy session…I can write it all down right now. Writing your thoughts isn’t a substitute for having a human being to talk with from time to time. I believe there is a special quality in being witnessed by another person.

But developing the skill of witnessing your own thoughts and fears is an important part of your mental and emotional wellbeing toolkit.

Try it out and let me know how it goes.

Want to talk with me? Click here to schedule a free connection call. And for more juicy life stuff, check out my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡