why I don’t like the word ‘coach’

Today I’m cracking open a can o’ worms. I want to talk about why I don’t like the word ‘coach’. Even though I call myself one.

Whether you want accountability, are going through difficult times, or just need someone to talk with, you have options. You could find a therapist. You could engage a mentor, counselor or advisor. Or an increasingly popular option…you could hire a coach.

‘Coach’ is a very general word…I’ll deal with that in a bit. But in this instance, I’m talking about a life coach. And the term ‘life coach’ is itself broad. There are other titles that life coaches use, such as professional coach, transformational coach, and change worker. Some life coaches specialize in specific areas; for instance, career coaching, financial coaching, spiritual coaching, or relationship coaching. And because the coaching industry is unregulated, there are no official guidelines for exactly what training one needs to have as a specialist. Many coaches start with general life coach training and then take certifications in other areas of interest.

Despite the grey areas, there are a few basic things that a life coach should do. A good coach should:

• Work with you on your current situation with a focus on your future…what do you want to accomplish, create or change?

• Approach your relationship through conversations. Through conversations, your coach will help you examine what’s going on with your life, help you uncover ideas you might not have had or options you might not have realized, and help you make plans to move forward.

• Ask good questions.

• Center the work around YOU. Only you have the answers you need. A good coach will help you find your own answers…never feed them to you.

• Help establish a clear goal for your work together. Your goal can be modified and even change over time, but the focus on your goal is always there.

The beauty of working with a coach in a nutshell? YOU determine where you want to go. And you’ll learn and discover and grow in self-awareness along the way.

I love this process. It’s powerful. It changes lives. It will help you see yourself differently. It’s fun! It’s also hard work at times, especially when you’re uncovering old unconscious beliefs and habits of thought. But coaching is transformational…you come in one way and you leave changed.

Now…not to be a downer. But I have some issues with the word ‘coach’. Because it describes so many different roles, it’s confusing. For instance, a sports coach…what does that bring to mind? I think of my 9th grade track coach who would direct us to run laps around the soccer field ad nauseum. He might have been a good coach for the better runners, but for those of us who weren’t stellar athletes, he’d bark out orders and we’d comply. For a short time as an adult, I engaged a running coach. That was a better experience. But our interaction was limited…my coach gave me a training plan, I followed it, and we had a monthly phone call to make sure everything was going smoothly.

As a musician, I’ve been on both sides of coaching. Musical coaches help student musicians become more proficient in technique, musical expression, and performance readiness. In music and in sports, a coach is considered an ‘expert’ with more training and expertise than the one receiving coaching. A coach shapes, trains, and fine-tunes the one being coached. This process has a lot of value in a discipline where one is looking to achieve a standard.

But life coaching is nothing like this. I don’t give my people a plan. I am certainly not the expert…not at life, and not in their life. I have no ulterior motive, other than to help my client in the way they want to be helped. I leave my own preferences out of our conversations. I have no idea what is best for my client. What my client discovers is best for them, through careful and intentional investigation…THAT’S our objective. Even if I would never myself choose what they are choosing.

So…I don’t like the word ‘coach’ for what I do now, because it conveys hierarchy and instruction. Neither of these are part of the process of life coaching.

At the same time, all that stuff I mentioned that life coaching should include just scratches the surface. It’s the bare minimum…coaching can go so much deeper.

This work is magical. It’s mystical. It’s mysterious and intriguing.

My clients look at something one way and as we dig a little deeper they see it in a whole new light. Until it becomes transformed. I witness my clients’ beliefs about themselves…who they are, what they’re capable of, what they fear…and I see them change from the inside out. They become completely different versions of themselves. I see someone go from thinking

‘I wish I could do that but I can’t’...

to ‘OMG I actually can’...

to ‘I did that! What’s next?’

Lest I’m giving the impression that coaching is all unicorns and rainbows, it’s not.

I sit with people when they just need to be seen, heard, and witnessed. I see the relief that comes from telling their story to someone who will listen without judgment, without an agenda. I help people through hard times. I help them believe that they CAN and WILL survive.

Those shiny, happy coaching outcomes? They happens sometimes, but that’s not the most important aspect of this work.

The most important thing coaching can do is help someone accept and embrace their own humanity. Being human is hard. People that we love die. Things happen that we don’t choose. We lose parts of ourselves that we loved. Coaching helps us understand the process of life and death - and the small deaths that are a part of life. To be with death and life. This brings a lot of relief. And humor. And humility.

I worry that people don’t know that coaching can include all of this. I hope to find a way to reach folks who long for this experience. Even if there WERE a better word than ‘coaching’…a perfect, elegant, eloquent word…it would still fall short of describing the depth of this human-to-human relationship. And since I haven’t found a better word, I reluctantly call myself a coach. In the meantime, I’ll sit with the discomfort of trying to express the inexpressible in a label. After all, that’s part of the stickiness of being human.

Want to chuck the labels and have a transformative experience? Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡