what is transformation?
What is transformation?
As a transformational coach, I think about transformation a lot. And to be fully transparent, I’m also a little uncomfortable with the word transformation. You know what I mean? It can come across as kind of fluffy…like the words unicorn, or magic, or sparkles. All of those words have real and practical meanings, but they also get thrown around in ways that can be diluted and even sarcastic.
But it’s time for me to get over my own hangups. Because transformation is a real thing…it’s an actual process, with visible, measurable results. And the word transformation can often be more useful and specific than the word change.
In my opinion, change gets a bad rap. Change is the nature of life…it’s the one thing that’s guaranteed. Most of us crave change in some area of our life. Yet there can be stigma attached to change. We tend to fear change when it’s beyond our control. And other people don’t always want us to change. Like Billy Joel says, don’t go changing...I like you just the way you are. Have you ever heard someone complain to you that so-and-so has ‘changed’ and it's a negative thing?
This is one reason I like the word transform so much. Change happens, but transformation is intentional and organic.
Merriam Webster’s definition of the transitive verb transform has three branches:
to change in composition or structure
to change the outward form or appearance of
to change in character or condition
I like all of these aspects of the word transform, but especially the first. To change in composition or structure - that feels intrinsic. Something inside of you is deliberately restructured.
The second aspect, to change the outward form or appearance of - this is a natural consequence of changing on the inside. When you have changed internally, your actions, your outward appearance and what’s happening in your life will change to some extent.
And the third aspect, to change in character or condition ties together the first two aspects. When you’ve changed on the inside, you approach life as a different person, a different character. And when your character changes, your conditions likewise change.
To truly transform is to change from the inside out.
When you’ve changed from the inside out, you are literally a new version of yourself. When you’re a new version of yourself, the change you’ve made is more likely to last, because you are now a person who thinks and acts in a way that supports the change.
Recently, I was talking with my therapist about a difficult conversation I’d had with a loved one. She paused to remark about how much I have transformed in the area of clear and open communication. I was a bit taken aback, because transformation hadn’t been my intention. But I have wanted to have better relationships with everyone in my life, so we have worked on communication in our sessions. And although I am by no means a perfect communicator and listener (does that even exist?), honest, compassionate and open conversation feels so natural now that I didn’t even notice my own transformation.
I am a new version of myself - one who can speak my truth and listen to other people’s truths, mostly pretty well, and it now feels normal. Like something I’ve always been able to do. In fact, I have a hard time remembering what it felt like when I was afraid of speaking up, when I feared telling the truth, when I avoided displeasing others, and when I had difficulty listening without being defensive.
I’m different now. I can participate, feel grounded, and even thrive in difficult conversations. How about that?
What thing or situation in your life would you most like to change? Who will you need to be in order to realize that change? Who will you be when that new situation feels normal? What skills will you have? What thoughts and beliefs will come automatically? Will you appear different on the outside? What outer circumstances in your life will be different?
Change is inevitable. A lot of change we can’t direct or control. Some we can. What if you could be intentional about what you’d like to change in your life and embody that change from the inside?
I want to leave you with one last thought about transformation…and I believe it to my core.
To transform is not to become someone else…it’s actually the reverse. When you lose the ‘someone else’ you become more of yourself.
I am wishing you lots of transformation…and lots of coming home to yourself…in 2024.
Let’s talk! Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡