take your energy back!
On my run the other day I was thinking about how easy it is to ruminate about what other people are thinking about us. This has been a challenge for me, and I notice it coming up for my clients too. It’s so energy-draining to worry about how you’re being perceived by other people.
We spend time obsessing over interpersonal situations as if we can really ever control them. And as I thought about it more, here’s what I came to:
How you think others perceive you is nothing but a construct of your own imagination.
How would you know anyway? Suppose you worry about what a friend is thinking about you…have you asked them? If you did ask them and they confirmed your worst suspicions, how could you experience THEIR thoughts anyway? Is a friend’s thought about you an actual thing, something you can look at, examine, or measure? How would you capture the firing of someone else’s neural patterns? What you are actually experiencing is a mental construct that you call ‘what my friend thinks of me.’ But…you’re the only one thinking it. You’re the one carrying that heavy weight around. It’s not real.
What you think other people are thinking about you is an illusion.
It’s difficult to know what someone else is thinking. If they are thinking poorly of you, what can you actually do about it? Have you ever done everything RIGHT and STILL pissed someone off? Or thought that everything is going well and then someone told you that they’re upset with you? Have you felt the surprise and shock of that? How do you control for that situation?
Trying to control an illusion sucks the life force from you.
Doesn’t that feel exhausting? How can you control the way someone else sees you? You might think that if you say and do the right things, other people will automatically see you as a ‘good person’. But how do you know how someone else defines ‘good person’? How can you know you won’t unintentionally offend someone? How can you know you won’t grate on someone’s nerves? How do you control for that? And I’m guessing you’ve tried, because I have too. Most of us have. Isn’t it exhausting to try to manipulate how people perceive you? Isn’t it tiring to monitor yourself? And isn’t it painful when - despite your best intentions - you do offend or disappoint someone?
I’m here to remind you that you don’t have to feed that construct any more. I’m reminding you that YOU are the only one who can actually approve of yourself. I’m sharing this to remind you that you don’t have to give away your power any longer.
Take your energy back.
Use it for the things in life that you want to do. For the things that you love doing. Use your energy to share your voice in the world. Use your energy to be yourself.
And let the people around you decide how they want to perceive you. Because that’s their business, not yours.
Take your energy back, my friend.
I have a few open spots remaining for 1:1 integrative change work. Curious? Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡