I’m willing to…I look forward to…

Today I want to share a brilliant practice from one of my favorite teachers, Byron Katie.

Katie teaches ‘The Work’, a methodical process of self-inquiry in the form of 4 questions that you ask yourself when something’s really bugging you.

1. Is it true?

2. Can I absolutely know that it’s true?

3. How do I react when I believe this thought?

4. Who would I be without this thought?

Just asking these 4 questions when something is bugging you starts to free up the real estate that thing is occupying in your brain.

Let’s suppose someone says something insensitive to you, and it hurts your feelings.

You might be thinking, ‘they shouldn’t have said that to me.’

That thought, while understandable, isn’t going to erase the experience you just had.

Thinking the thought ‘it shouldn’t have happened’ is only going to cause you more aggravation.

What if you could work with your thought?

Let’s apply Katie’s questions here:

1. Is it true? You might be tempted to say ‘Well, yeah! They shouldn’t have said it.’

2. Can you absolutely know it’s true? Hmm. You could dig your heels in. ‘Of course it’s true!’ Or you might take a moment to consider the question carefully. Maybe you find that you can’t absolutely know. So you answer, ‘no, I can’t absolutely know.’

3. How do you react when you believe that they shouldn’t have said it? You might feel resentful, indignant, or angry. You may want to say something mean back.

4. Who would you be without the thought, ‘they shouldn’t have said that to me?’ If you look closely, you might actually feel like letting it go. Or you might be curious as to what’s going on with them.

If you’re not believing something wrong just happened, the comment probably slides off.

It’s the feeling that it shouldn’t have happened that’s holding you hostage.

These four questions can dislodge a stubborn thought that’s on repeat in your brain.

Once you’ve answered the questions, you do turnarounds.

For the turnarounds, you take the original statement:

They shouldn’t have said that to me.

And you turn it around to assert the opposite:

They SHOULD have said this to me.

Now you consider all of the ways THIS could be just as true. It might feel a little ridiculous, and that’s OK. For instance:

Maybe they’re having a bad day, and it just slipped out. Has that ever happened to you before?

Maybe them saying it and you bringing The Work to it is expanding your capacity to be OK no matter what. How about that?

But for me, the most fascinating part of the work happens at the end of the turnarounds.

You take the original statement, ‘they shouldn’t have said that to me’ and you make new statements starting with:

I’m willing to…

I look forward to…

In other words:

I’m willing for them to say that to me.

I look forward to them saying that to me.

Can you be with these statements? Can you let them wash over you?

You may even laugh out loud because they seem a little silly.

See if you can find acceptance.

I’ve been incorporating I’m willing and I look forward to into my own self-work lately and I’m amazed by how they help me see things differently.

For example, when someone says something that feels a bit mean, I might find that a part of me secretly likes the drama.

Or maybe the snarky comment bothers me because I have a tendency to absorb what people say and not speak up for myself.

Maybe I see it as a new opportunity to practice boundaries, or to speak up for myself, or to let it go because I love them…or maybe even to choose more carefully who I spend my precious time with.

Wow, look at all of these options!

However, here are a few caveats.

1. Don’t use the statements I’m willing to and I look forward to on your biggest traumas or inner wounds. It’s better to work on those instead with someone who’s trained to treat trauma.

2. These statements are not intended to spiritually bypass real feelings or situations. We’re not trying to convince ourselves that something stinky smells awesome. We ARE examining our thoughts from every angle, so that we can see where we’re holding ourselves hostage.

3. While this is a helpful tool, it’s neither an excuse nor an invitation to overlook injustice or abuse. Lately, I’ve been thinking a lot about how spirituality and self-help applies to the real injustices that are happening in the world. It would be great if there were always easy answers for the things that bother us. But it feels too simplistic to only take the spiritual route. So I am OK with complexity. There are times to take a spiritual approach and times to speak out. For the most part, I’ve found that the spiritual techniques are effective for dealing with my own internal drama. And when I see other people being hurt as part of the world’s drama, I’m compelled to speak out and help however I can.

So…how might you be holding yourself hostage to your own thoughts?

I invite you to take the statements

I’m willing to…

I look forward to…

and apply them to something that’s bugging you.

Remember to start with something relatively small.

See how it goes.

I’d love to hear how it works for you.

Listen up! I still have space for a few amazing women in my new 12-week coaching container. Join me in 2025! Or click here to schedule a free 30-minute connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, check out my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡