be too much in 2025!

Happy New Year!

Last week I saw this meme and loved it so much that I made it my Facebook background photo.

It expresses really well what I’ve been feeling lately.

Have you ever been told that you were ‘too much’?

It’s a message that little girls get a lot…I’m guessing more than boys. And sure, it depends on circumstances like the family you grew up in, who your teachers were early on, etc.

For the record, I can’t recall anyone telling me that I was too much, but I do remember a few times as a kid that I was ‘too honest’ or ‘too blunt’ and it got me into trouble! 

What does it mean anyway…being ‘too much’? And why do so many women tell stories about toning themselves down as a result of being told not to stand out?

In the 70s and 80s when I was a kid, gender roles were still pretty traditional and well-defined.

Girls were supposed to be nice, helpful, quietly high-achieving, humble, and pretty.

If you were a girl who spent a lot of time outdoors being physically active and getting dirty, you were probably called a tomboy.

That’s because boys were expected to play outside more, get into trouble more, get dirty and bruised more, and to be louder.

Although there are always exceptions, not many people will disagree that expectations of behavior and self-expression differed among girls and boys.

Even as our culture becomes more gender-fluid, there are still expectations.

Consider the phenomenon of middle school girls.

If you’ve ever been a parent, teacher or coach of girls in this age group, you may have noticed that they tend to become quiet, shy and reserved.

They’re less likely to speak up, less likely to volunteer answers to questions, and less likely to express their feelings, especially within a classroom or group of kids.

Why is this?

I think in part, adolescent girls are trying to meet culture’s subtle expectations.

They’re trying to avoid being ‘too much’.

They want to fit in and don’t want to stand out…especially at this crucial developmental stage when they’re extra sensitive and self-conscious.

I’ll come right out and say it: in a culture that is still patriarchal, girls and women not being ‘too much’ serves a purpose.

If men occupy a majority of the positions of power in politics and business, and the highest roles in the upper echelons of academia - which they do - it’s in their best interest (or so it would seem) to hold onto that power.

Generations upon generations of men being in power and women being told to not be ‘too much’ has created a cultural epidemic of women who don’t always express who they are fully…and thus may not live up to their full potential…whatever that could look like.

For the record, the patriarchy screws over men, too.

How many men do you know who have difficulty feeling their feelings because they were told that ‘boys don’t cry’ when they were young?

As much as men seem to benefit from the historical imbalance in power, it has limited their ability to express themselves and live to their full potential, too.

Not to mention that a male-skewed leadership overlooks the extraordinary intelligence, creativity and maturity of women who are just as capable as their male counterparts.

Our culture forfeits the balance that could be possible.

If you’re a woman and you’ve toned yourself down in some way so that you’re ‘not too much’, why did you do it?

What were you afraid of?

Here are a few of my reasons:

• I didn’t want to be seen as loud, impolite, or egotistical

• I didn’t want to be the center of attention, lest I fail spectacularly and everyone notice

• I didn’t want to take more than ‘my share’ (whatever that means)

Here’s another question: if you toned yourself down so as not to be too much, what did you miss out on?

I missed out on:

• years of expressing myself truthfully

• taking chances and discovering new abilities

• the confidence that comes from owning my efforts and my mistakes

Today’s message is mostly for my women friends.

But it’s also for my men friends, because chances are there’s a woman in your life that you love who has been told not to be ‘too much’. And she may still be partly undercover.

How can you support her to speak her truth and to claim a bigger spot in her world?

In this season of my life, I’m learning how to be too much.

I’ll admit, it’s a little scary. The part of me that would feel safer hiding doesn’t always like speaking out. 

I’m speaking out because I believe it’s time for women to take up more space.

A good way to start is to get over the fear of being too much.

Take small steps.

Speak truthfully in a conversation, even if it’s difficult.

Write a social media post that shows a little more of who you are.

Take a selfie without makeup!

The possibilities are endless.

I’m inviting you to take up more space in 2025.

Because you have so much to offer the world.

You have ideas that can help the planet.

You have brilliance and creativity that will help your community.

And the world needs to know who you are.

Ready to create change? Join me in 2025! Or click here to schedule a free 30-minute connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, check out my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡