How to Create Lasting Change
Oh golly am I a nerd for change and transformation! I spend a lot of time thinking about how change works and how I can best help my clients make change that feels natural, organic, and most importantly, sustainable.
The way I see it, there are different kinds of change. The two most obvious are external change and internal change. External change is all about ‘doing stuff’ to change outer circumstances. You craft lists, make decisions, create resolutions and new habits, and then you try to stick to them. Most of the stuff you do is action-oriented, visible and concrete. With external change, you manipulate variables to force a different outcome. I’m not knocking it entirely…research indicates if you can sustain a new habit for 30 - 90 days, you may have created a change.
Maybe you have a habit of eating too much chocolate in one sitting. Changing externally could mean deciding not to keep chocolate in the house. You may opt to eat more fruit, or more celery sticks. You may explore some kind of disgusting chocolate substitute (anyone remember carob?). Keep any of these new habits up for a while, and you’ll probably eat less chocolate.
The problem with external change is that you are still the same old person on the inside. You have the same habits of thought, the same unconscious filters and biases, and the same old emotional wounds. External change may stick…but if you haven’t transformed the thoughts and beliefs that created the old conditions, it probably won’t last very long.
By contrast, internal change requires you to first examine your mind, nervous system and body for clues as to why you are how you are. You notice the beliefs and thoughts that have gotten you here, and you create new thoughts and beliefs that actually support what you want. You examine yourself with curiosity and tenderness, and you consciously construct a different internal landscape.
Instead of forcing yourself to give up chocolate, you actually sit with the craving and see what it has to tell you. What is its intention? What are you avoiding by eating too much chocolate? What deeper need is asking for your attention? And what happens when you address that need for real?
Can you tell I’m arguing for internal change?
Here’s why: in order to have a job you love, or a relationship that works, or life choices that suit you better, you have to become that person on the inside first. When you’re that person on the inside, it’s easy to make the choices and take the actions and notice the opportunities that get you to where you want to go. Changing your inner landscape is not an immediate process. But it’s a lasting one, because you deal with all of the little mind goblins that have been in your way. Inner change creates sustainable outer change.
Fired up and ready to go? Let’s get to work! Click here to schedule a free 60-minute connection call with me. May your week be filled with self-love and deep insights! With love, Amy ♡♡♡