How to Change a Memory

Do you have memories that are tinged with regret? Situations that got out of control, moments when you didn’t stand up for yourself, made the wrong choice, or said the wrong thing? We all have negative experiences for which we’d love a do-over. We would choose differently, speak up for ourselves, or take a different path.

In and of themselves, the events of our lives are neutral. But unresolved feelings from negative memories freeze into what I call nodal points.  We carry these nodal points around and they come out sideways in what we fear, what we avoid, who we allow and don’t allow ourselves to be. Wouldn’t it be nice if we could thaw out our frozen places?

Here’s some really cool news: you CAN. Defrosting your nodal points is simple (though as with all deep work, not always easy). While you can do this work with a licensed therapist - and should, if you have a mental health diagnosis or a history of trauma -  you can also do it on your own. Here’s how.

Find a quiet place and sit with a pen and paper. Recall a memory that brings you discomfort, angst, or regret. Really be in that memory. See yourself and anyone else who was there. Notice any sensations in your body and remember to breathe. If the physical feelings are intense or they don’t subside after a bit, try moving around. Shake your arms and legs or make some noise until the energy begins to move or dissipate.

Now go back to the memory. How old are you? 5? 25? See your younger self there, and also bring in present-day you as a loving witness. With older you there to protect and witness the situation, what would younger you say or do differently? How would you show up? What actions would you take? Write it all down. You’ll know you’re onto something when the words start to flow. Take the time to experience any emotions that come up. Once they’ve passed, observe how you feel.

Do you feel different? What do you notice?

I do this regularly, and while I haven’t actually altered past events, the emotional track of the memory has changed. I feel empowered. The nodal point has melted. The memory no longer carries pain or regret, it just is. I’ve had a loving witness - my present self - along with me and the ability to change the memory. And better yet, the defrosting work impacts present-day me in significant ways. As my very wise therapist says, ‘the body doesn’t know time’. As I complete and free past memories, my body lets go and heals, and so does my mind.

Want to experience change work on a deeper level? Let’s talk! Click here to schedule a free 60-minute connection call with me. May your week be filled with self-love and deep insights! With love, Amy ♡♡♡