Grace in the cycles
I am struck by how conditioned I am to expect life to be a constant upward linear progression. Like the empty promise of an endlessly expanding economy, I assume that each year of my life will bring more happiness, more prosperity, more health, and more opportunities.
What a total crock of shit. Almost nothing in life is linear and only upward moving. So much in life is cyclical. Life itself is an endless cycle of birth and death, and the things we love in life change and fade, only to make space, in time, for the new.
All that is to say, it’s been quite a summer. June brought some intense challenges as my nuclear family rallied together to help stabilize and support a loved one in a very unstable situation. It has been rewarding and bonding, but difficult nevertheless. My husband and I took a much needed vacation last week, one we’ve been planning for months. And it was truly rejuvenating to be away from life’s everyday stressors. But as we were headed to the airport last Tuesday, I learned that my friend Bailee had passed away only two days before. We met in yoga teacher training in 2017, and we shared a love for trail running. She paced and crewed me to my first 100 mile finish in 2019, and over the years, we’d meet periodically for long runs and loops on Mt. Sanitas. An avid climber and scrambler, she fell to her death last week while climbing a high ridge in Rocky Mountain National Park. She was 26.
Though it was good to get away, the last week has been tinged with emotions over Bailee’s death. Mainly, sadness, confusion, anger, loss and grief. There is sadness for the many, many friends and family she left behind, and sadness that her time on the planet was cut tragically short.
I haven’t felt productive or linear since we returned from our vacation. In fact, I’ve been wandering around in a haze, low on energy. One of the things I love most about change work is sharing ideas and thoughts in writing. My brain tells me to snap into shape, get energized, and find something uplifting or positive to say. But my heart sees that where I am this week is an important part of a cycle. My heart, mind and body are processing some difficult things, and that’s OK. In fact, it’s absolutely necessary. And I am sharing it because no doubt, you go through cycles too.
I am choosing to honor the cycles. I will try to find grace and compassion for myself in the low points. It’s in the low points, where things get quiet and still, that the promise of something new is born.
Hug the people in your life and tell them that you love them. May your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡