you’re different

Today I want to talk about something that may seem blatantly obvious…but often isn’t, because of the way we are raised, socialized, and educated. I’ll come right out and say it.

You’re different. You’re different from everyone else.

These are words no pre-teen ever wants to hear, right? Does it sound weird? Do I sound mean?

Here’s the follow up.

So am I. I’m different. Just like you. Just like everybody.

You know how in middle school, it sometimes seemed like everyone else was alike and only you were different (along with a handful of kids everyone perceived as misfits)? Remember the shame in feeling different? Guess what? Everyone else being the same was an illusion. Even if on the outside, kids looked the same, dressed the same, or acted the same, on the inside they were not the same.

Everyone is different.

I don’t see difference as a bad thing. It’s a fact, first and foremost - you’re different, in so many ways - and I see this as a huge advantage, a strength, and even a superpower. Everyone has this superpower.

AND no one has YOUR superpower.

When we’re in middle school (and even as adults), perceiving ourselves as different can feel terrible. It can be isolating and lonely to be different. Being different can make us feel wrong and shameful. I was probably 13 when I first noticed that I was different, and my brain perceived my differences as defective. Like a lot of people, I found ways to hide or negate some of my differences in order to become more like everyone else.

Over time, a split formed between outside me, who was trying to be more like everyone else, and inside me, who really didn’t care about being like everyone else. That split grew into a chasm that I carried around for decades afterward. I struggled quite a bit with identity and people pleasing in early adulthood, all in order to be more acceptable to others.

Ultimately, the discomfort of not being myself led me to make some big internal changes which brought me back to who I’ve felt myself to be, all along.

Isn’t it interesting that feeling different can cause us to be someone else on the outside? And that being someone else is such an energetically expensive way to live that some of us make the conscious journey home…back to ourselves?

If this resonates, here’s some good news: you don’t necessarily need to make a big life change to feel more like yourself. There’s another way to go about it.

Accept that you’re different.

Own and celebrate how different you are. You’re fabulous!

Start showing yourself on the outside.

Be different. Catch yourself when you are starting to go along with everyone else and you don’t want to. Talk about your weird hobby or interest. Celebrate when your friends and family give you the side eye. Start getting used to feeling different. Accept that some people may not always understand you.

I’m not suggesting you isolate yourself or alienate anyone. I AM suggesting you let people see who you are. What you care about. What you think about.

Are you worried that if you show who you are, some people won’t get you?

That may happen. Does everyone in your life need to get you? Is that even possible? There will always be people who don’t get you. There will always be people who don’t necessarily like you. There will be plenty of people who are not interested in you at all. That’s completely normal.

The people who like you, who love you no matter what, and especially the people who just GET you? These are your people. And I’ll bet you’ll find them when you allow yourself to be truly different. Truly yourself.

Be willing to be different.

Whatever you learned in middle school - or at any point in your life - about needing to be more like everyone else? It’s not true. It’s time to let that go.

You’re different. I’m different. We’re all different. And that’s how it’s supposed to be.

In the mood for something different? Tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself) for more existential juiciness. Or if you’re curious about change work, schedule a free connection call with me. As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡