shoot your shot

You know what drives me crazy? The idea that you only have one chance at any given thing to get it right. That's dumb. Shoot your shot...and do it again and again and change your mind when you need to. Shoot your shot for the joy of it and don't take yourself too seriously.

(Advice for myself. As always.)

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve felt like whatever I create has to be perfect. That I can’t risk failing. That I can’t show any sign of weakness.

Where did I get the idea that I have to be perfect? When did I stop giving myself permission to make mistakes until I eventually get things right? Who am I to believe that I have to succeed on the first try? And that if I don’t, I’ll be criticized, judged, even ostracized for being an impostor?

I don’t think most of us are taught that we have to be perfect on the first try, or that when we mess up we’ll be harshly judged. If this happened to you, I’m sorry. I think that most of us have experiences early on in life that we interpret as failure. We internalize feelings of shame, disappointment and embarrassment, and in order to cope with these feelings, we develop strong perfectionist parts of ourselves so we can avoid having to feel failure again.

Think back to your early childhood. Did you ever mess something up? Not ‘get it right’ according to someone else’s standard? Were you told that it wasn’t good enough? Were you made fun of? Reprimanded? Even punished for failing to ‘get it right?’

As an emotionally sensitive person, making mistakes felt pretty unbearable to me…whether I was 6 years old, or a teenager, or a full fledged adult. I still hate the feeling of getting something wrong. Over time, experiencing the feeling of failure led to a strong internal resolve to NOT mess up again, to try to do everything above standard, to never let myself show weakness or let anyone see my flaws. 

Once when I was really young, maybe 4 or 5, I was hanging out with a cousin. We were drawing ladies with hairdos and hats. At that young age, my best ‘lady with a hairdo’ picture was a sloppy oval shape with a bunch of scratchy lines around it to represent hair. My older cousin drew a perfect oval face with bouncy, stylish hair. When she saw my drawing she laughed and said, ‘that’s not hair! THIS is hair!’ pointing to her picture. Even though it happened over 50 years ago, I still remember being flooded with shame for getting it wrong. And from then on, whenever I drew a person with hair, I took great pains to copy the bouncy, curly hair I’d seen in her picture. I was determined never to get it wrong again.

When we have enough of these painful experiences, we begin to step away from our natural impulses of curiosity, creativity, spontaneity and excitement. In order to avoid the pain, we play it safe. We are overly careful to get things right. We may try things in secret but not let anyone else know what we’re doing, in case we get it wrong. Worst case scenario: we play it safe by not trying new things at all. We shoot down our own creative ideas before they ever get off the ground.

And this is a pity, because only through trying and failing and getting it wrong and learning and trying again - bit-by-bit - does anyone create anything new.

The painstaking process of learning what it takes to get it right is the price of creating.

We’ve all heard stories of people who, in contributing great things to the world, spent years and even decades getting it wrong before they got it right. I wish these stories were more universally known. And it’s not just those who create big things that deserve to shoot their shot over and over again until they get it right. Everyone deserves this. This is the process of being a living, breathing, creative human.

What do you want to contribute to the world? Or to your life? Or to your community? And if you’re having a hard time getting started, what’s holding you back? Is it a feeling that it won’t be good enough? That you can somehow get it wrong? That people are watching and you aren’t allowed to fail?

If so, I’m here to tell you:

Shoot your shot. Again and again. Dare to get it wrong. Dare to fail, and learn something valuable every time it feels like you’ve missed the mark.

Shoot your shot. Because it’s yours alone to shoot, no one else’s. And the world needs your contribution and your creative expression.

Ready to create something new and could use an ally? Click here to schedule a free connection call with me. And for more juicy life stuff, tune into my podcast, coming home (to yourself). As always, may your week be filled with self-love and rich insights. With love, Amy ♡♡♡