Our Hearts Just Want Connection

A couple of months ago I had a run-in, via text, with a friend and colleague. For most of my life, I’ve been a very non-confrontational person - a people pleaser to the core. I’d had a busy and stressful week, and her text that morning was the proverbial straw that broke the camel’s back. The details aren’t important, but what I interpreted as a passive-aggressive tone in her message triggered a shame response in me - even though I knew I hadn’t done anything wrong. I could feel myself getting angry and defensive, and my text responses to her reflected that. I could tell that she was surprised, but neither of us took the time or energy to connect via phone and regroup. Perhaps my anger gave me an emotional outlet for that week’s stressors, because I didn’t feel the urge to make things right. I felt wronged, and I was OK holding on to that.

Fast forward to a few days ago, and I see on a social media post that her beloved dog has died. I had to say goodbye to the kitty love of my life 9 months ago, and I know that pain. When I read her post, the resentment I’d been holding immediately dissolved. In fact, it seemed completely trivial and unimportant compared to the loss that I knew she felt. The loss that I still felt from my beloved cat connected us; this love for our animal friends is true and tangible and really, really important. I shared my condolences in a heartfelt reply to her post, and she reached out shortly thereafter to set up a lunch date to talk things through. I’m not really sure what our friendship will look like going forward, but I’m certain that when I think of her, I’ll think of how we are connected in a shared love for our special animals, and I don’t imagine I’ll dwell on the text exchange. The former feels so much better, so much more real. At the end of the day, our hearts just want connection.